Stick a Fork in This Project

    By Jerry Zezima

    If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. If you can't stand the kitchen, put heat on your spouse to look for someone who will renovate it for a price that will make the kitchen useless because you can no longer afford food.

    That is what my wife, Sue, did when she decided that the kitchen had to be redone. She did so because the cabinets were old, the counters were sagging and the area under the sink was all wet.

    Sounds like me.

    Thus began an adventure that involved innumerable trips to big box stores, small box stores and stores where you had to think outside the box, all of which offered so many choices of cabinets, counters, doors, stoves, ovens, faucets, knobs, handles and other assorted features and doodads that my head swam.

    Finally, we settled on a store called ReStyle Kitchens in Bohemia, N.Y., and dealt with a very nice and knowledgeable guy named Larry, who assured us that his partners were not Moe and Curly. Before we signed the deal, I demonstrated that I have no counter intelligence by asking what, aside from the spelling, the difference was between Formica and Corian. Larry's answer: "About $1,500." Being an astute businessman, I said, "Let's go with the Formica."

    The night before the job began, Sue and I had to empty the cabinets. That included 92 pieces of Tupperware. Next morning, we met a one-man crew named Khasim, an amazing guy who did practically everything himself. I got to help when he asked me to go to Home Depot for a pair of 3/8-inch screw-on caps and a roll of Teflon tape so we wouldn't end up with an indoor swimming pool when he took out the sink. When I returned 45 minutes later, Sue said, "Where did you go, Alaska?" I handed the bag to Khasim, who looked inside and said to me, "You are the man."

    The following morning, Khasim returned to start the next phase of the renovation. He worked harder in three days than I have in three years and he did a fantastic job.

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